Protecting my peace over the years has meant saying what I want to say, spending time where I want to spend time, saying “no” without apology or explanation, and surrounding myself with those I choose to be with.
Instead of hiding away or leaving social media entirely I decided to participate only when I felt like it. To be friendly to most, but “friends” with only those who genuinely are my friends. The ones who have your back in low moments. The ones who don’t ever need or want you to be less of yourself.
Learning to have and to hold healthy boundaries for myself has led to smaller circles, deeper happiness, a quieter mind, fewer wasted moments, and a stillness in my bones I can’t put a price on.
Not everyone has been a fan, and that’s ok. I’ve been asked to tone my writing down when I’ve written about controversial topics, to censor myself just a little.
But I’ve also had strangers reach out and connected them to resources after they read a piece and felt comfortable for the first time to say “I have the same struggle”.
I have never been entirely “appropriate” by some peoples standards but when you grow you learn that the standards that really matter are your own.
I’ve been writing and publishing #closertocrazy since March 10th, 2015 and have never shied away from scandalous topics, or spicy language, or eyebrow raising pictures when sharing my life.
I’m comfortable with my flaws even as I work on the ones that can be worked on. I’m passionate about letting others see the messiness and honesty that connects us all, from being burst in on by teens while standing naked mid change, to struggling and failing to squeeze my beautiful, older sisters “fat pant’s fat pants” past my thighs, to the reality of living with anxiety.
And yes, I always post pictures with them. A good story is always even better with a gorgeous shot, and best with an embarrassing one.
In the age of online scrolling through a dizzying array of content, a picture is often what catches your eye and causes you to stop long enough to read.
Laugh with me, cry with me, clutch your pearls and feign shock with me, maybe see yourself in me.
As humans we are constantly being shown and told we are never enough. We’re too thick, too thin, to bold, to introverted. We struggle to believe we are desirable, unless unless unless unless….
Do you want to know the most scandalous thing of all? You really ARE desirable. You’re delightful and messy and honestly real and you should not waste one more moment trying to press and peel and squeeze and skimp on the space inside yourself that let’s you breathe and sigh and feel joyful.
You’re not too anything other than wonderful.