All day

Im not doing a single practical thing this weekend. Im staying right here in bed with my dogs, sleeping and snuggling.

I haven’t started Christmas shopping yet. My house is a mess. There are dishes in the sink, piles of laundry to be washed, decorations to be put up, and a gym down the street that has my face on a milk carton at the front desk in the hope that someone has seen me.

There are more pillows in this bed than occupants. The blankets (and there are many) are haphazardly and diagonally thrown on. Yesterday’s clothes are piled on the dresser where I hastily discarded them yesterday morning after work.

Im staying right here in bed with my dogs, sleeping and snuggling. Everything else can wait another day and the rest of the world will spin just fine on its own.

Trapped in middle school

I have a 13 year old brain that insists on taking everything it hears or reads and twisting it into something inappropriate to the exhaustion of my friends.

One friend in particular texted me to make sure I got home from my overnight shift safely after this last snowstorm, only to have a barrage of one liners hurled relentlessly back. You know who you are and 13 year old me is STILL not sorry.

That was quality humor coming from someone who hadn’t slept yet, although to be fair, I’d have made the same jokes fully rested. My brain is after all, clearly stuck in adolescence.

A: God, I’m itching to take my 4wd out but I’m gonna get my front and rear differential serviced before I do.

Me: Why not get your “oil changed” while you’re at it, if you know what I mean…

A: Ha ha yes Ell, I know what you mean. Everyone knows what you mean.

Me: Do they?

A: Yes. Go to bed!

Me: Why? Are you going to “lube your chassis”?

A: smh

Me: Are you gonna get your tires “rotated”? “Clear the exhaust”? “Top off your tank”? ”

A: Seriously, you need help

Me: You do have a lot of “junk in your trunk”. I’m not criticizing, I have a lot of junk in my trunk I too.

A: omg

Me: I have more. I can go all day. They dont get any better but I’m still rather pleased with myself…

A: Why am I friends with you??? Get sleep and when you wake up, please be done with middle school 😂

Me: We both know I cant do that.


My chickens have been working their way through the pumpkins on the porch, so when I got home from work this morning I filled them with feed and lugged them over to the coop.

The goats were yelling for their breakfast while I was feeding the chickens and ducks, so I dragged and dropped a stuffed pumpkin into their area to give them something to QUIETLY check out.

Yelling goats do not endear you to your neighbors at ANY time of the day, but at 8am? You’re risking eggs from your own coop being thrown at your house….

The goats went berserk over the treat.
Gabriel is literally stuffing his face while Cookie, Charlie, and Honey knock each other out of the way for prime access to the goodies.

It’s like watching myself alone with the leftover Halloween candy. Best just back away from me till it’s gone, and when I’m done I will absolutely have gooey stuff all over my face.


Just cant help myself

Jeeze I’m tired. Yeah. Too tired to even eat my feelings, and you know I love to eat my feelings I dragged my tired tush (no small fete since it’s no small tush) around work having only 2 1/2 hours of sleep in the last two days, and one 20 minute nap on the heated driver’s seat of my parked and idling car in the lot on my 3am break.

Yes, yes I know, I know. You have my word I’ll take my nap game back into the building from now on since midnight hospital lot car naps absolutely feel like the start to a Steven King novel even to reckless and weary me.

Also, I had fitful dreams of being narcammed by well meaning good samaritan fellow employees, mistaking my napping for something else entirely.

I stopped home long enough to grab three eager dogs who took the time to mark my reappearance in their lives by rolling happily around the wet grass in the rain befor jumping into the car to accompany me to my spine guy’s office.

Their damp puppy breath and wet fur fogged up the inside of the car as I drove, heat blasting in an attempt to counter it so I could see where I was going.

I parked, assured the dogs I’d be back soon, and dragged my dumb leg across the parking lot to the main entrance. The right side gets dumb and stupid and unreliable when my pain levels are high, the reason for this visit. A rainy day means empty spots are allllll the way at the back.


I stood before the confused receptionist, rubbing what felt like grains of sand out of my sleepless eyes as she tapped at the keyboard and muttered

“Im so sorry we don’t seem to have you on our schedule…”

And it hit me. I realized why: I was at the wrong doctors office. My bone guy. The one who fixed one knee and two shoulders. One of the shoulders twice, a month a part. He’s a big fan of me. I’m buying him a boat, one surgery at a time.

I had to run back out to the car full of wet dogs and haul ass with steamed up windows to my spine guy, a difficult thing to manage at the moment in my state. But I managed it. Like a BOSS. even one minute early. BOOM.

Now usually I play this little game with my spine guy while I wait. I try to take as many pictures with the things in his office as possible while I wait. He is aware of this. He’s caught me several times now, mid pose with various spine models, masks and equipment.

I call it an incentive program. For him to hurry the hell up and not keep me waiting too long. Unless he wants to be featured an hour later in one of my posts. Which he has. Four times now.

But today, today I was too tired and aching for hijinks. I sat there quietly ignoring my dumb leg and other dumb parts of me and waited.

Five whole minutes.

And then something shiny caught my eye…..

For the record, my doctor walked in DURING this picture and had the decency to restrain his reaction to shaking his head while I finished, put the thing back on his counter and sat down.

I pushed my hair back from my face, folded my hands on my lap, and smiled.

“You cant help yourself, can you?” Was all he said.


A fowl season for pumpkins

I couldn’t help myself. I’ve been shackled to the house and my bed and my couch for a few days, easing through this flareup.

I sat curled on a lawn chair wrapped in a soft blanket and watched my ever curious chickens scoping out my pumpkins, waiting for me to go inside so they could begin their usual carnage of my seasonal displays.

I watched them with amusement as they abandoned all self control and attacked the beautiful and peace loving gourds.
The puppies arrived on scene too late to chase them off.

I snapped a few pix and then, after they wandered contentedly towards the coop for the evening, grabbed a couple of acorns and small sticks and a leaf to complete the “fowl” tableau left behind by my chicks.

I am ridiculously pleased with myself. One does need to amuse one’s self in times such as these.


However it’s wrapped

Today I am surrendering . Sometimes you have to surrender to yourself and that’s hard to do. You can see sunshine through your window but moving hurts. You want to take a walk but your legs aren’t cooperating and your insides are on fire. You sleep and sleep but fatigue hangs onto your bones.

Invisible diseases are just that, invisible to others, and even sometimes to yourself. You go along at a mighty pace, strong and fast, and then it takes you by surprise. Ninja style. Flareups come out of the blue. So you have to surrender to the day and honor where you are.

If the body needs it, the body gets it. Healing has it’s own timetable and cant happen if you fight it. So be good to yourself. Let go and try to clear your mind of the things you needed or wanted to get done. Everything can wait or someone can help. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe next week is where the new day is. Honor the process and nurture yourself.

Life is a gift, however its wrapped up.


Meeting Ms Maisie, and a little bit about the apple falling close to the tree

Lucy had the chance to accompany a friend and her family to North Carolina last weekend for the holiday. She returned late Monday night proudly showing off her souvenir. A 16 week old kitty she had named “Maisie”.

Yes, you read that correctly. She found a free kitty. In North Carolina. After being told sternly many times over the years that a kitty was a no no since a couple of her brothers have cat allergies, and that yes while they left for college they presumably would still be calling this “home” on occasion, she came home with a cat.

She went on a 4 day vacation. She came home with a cat. Who’s child is this anyway???

*ahem…slinking quietly into the background and hiding behind a tree.

She actively searched for free kitties online on her way down in the car. She negotiated a meeting for after church at the hotel she was staying at, and used her “souvenir” money to purchase a kitty carrier, collar with a bell, and food bowls.

She even produced papers showing its first round of shots competed. And she brought it all the way home. From North Carolina……

Dale’s mouth opened and closed and open and closed silently like a goldfish. He looked back and forth between Lucy holding the kitty, and at me in disbelief while I tried my damndest to look like I hadn’t the faintest idea she had hatched the plan while texting with her on the drive.

Its pretty impossible to look at this child beaming with delight, cradling the wee thing in a makeshift papoose and be mad.

I turned to Dale and said “who’s going to tell her she has to take it back?”

Yes. This child is a force of nature. A bit too much like her mother. I looked at her and said to Dale “with this one, its like standing at the shore and telling the waves not to come in.”

It’s happening anyway so make your peace with it, take a nice deep breath, and dive on in.


Just crazy enough to try

Just crazy enough to try

Well offspring #3 informed us that the rest of his tuition is due in full at the end of the month. Offspring #4’s installment is also due that same week, and amusingly enough our mortgage payment is just days later. Offspring #5 needs fistfuls and fistfuls of dough for college applications, driving hours, and plain teenagery stuff.

We know the drill. We’ve been through this a couple of times and have run through the gamut of financial tricks. We’ve sold kidneys, semen and blood and washed windows of cars at busy intersections for freewill donations.

We’ve run through them all.

Time to double down, pull our panties over our heads, arm ourselves with nerf weapons and hope for the best at the bank because we’re out of ideas and just crazy enough to try. And yes, we could only afford the one pair of panties, amd yes, we are wearing it.


Self control starts with….OMG GREAT BIG PUMPKINS!!!

I have a challenge with impulsivity. Actually I have no challenge with impulsivity at all. If impulse strikes, so do I! I guess the challenge is in developing some. A fete I have yet to accomplish.

On the way home from work yesterday I decided to stop by the market to pick a few things up for the weekend in hopeful anticipation of children stopping by to eat my food. It’s a cheap ploy to lure them home but it works.

I work the overnight shifts at a hospital so coming home, feeding critters and diving right into bed to get “a full nights rest” by 3pm is important.

But this day I decided go shave less than an hour off my sleep schedule to grab edible items. I didnt make it 10 feet from my car when I spotted them.

Big, huge, gorgeously enormous pumpkins winking seductively at me in the early morning light of the parking lot.

I’ll just grab one or two…
My FIRST attempt through the store ended with exactly zero things to eat because the basket was piled high with pumpkins AND mums. I had to pay for them, load them into the car, and headed back for a second attempt at purchasing the actual food I was there for.

When all was said and done, the back of the car was piled full of pumpkins, mums, a cinnamon scented broomstick and exactly one bag of groceries.

Food (in bag) to “OOOOH!!! Look at THOSE!!!” Items ratio obviously needs work.

And that one little hour off of my sleep? Yeah, no. That turned into full fledged outdoor thing. Me just quietly going about being AWESOME and decorating with pumpkins. And just like that it was 1pm. My eyes were bloodshot, my feet were wet and cold, my hands to my elbows were covered in dirt.

“I’ll just cut a little of the decorative grass to tie to the fence posts….itll take no time at all…..”

I can, you know, stop. I can stop any time I want to. I do not have a problem. Well, the problem is I just dont want to.

And yes, yes I did swing by on the way home today for just a few more pumpkins to round out the piles.

I can stop anytime I wanna.