Hellos and goodbyes. Gains and losses. Beginnings and endings. Pieces of you that leave and still stay in that part of your heart that love never leaves.
Love fills empty spaces. It can start smaller than a mustard seed, slip slender roots into tiny cracks, and spread wide and breathlessly through you.
You can love someone who you’ve never seen. A child. One who comes unexpectedly into your life. One you worry over and try to make room for when you have begun to believe that it is impossible . Just as suddenly, the one you felt terrified to meet, the one beating inside leaves.
Once you have felt, heard, seen and truly understood that reality is growing inside of you, you will never be able to separate entirely. Even when you have to say goodbye.
Life is so beautiful, so breathtaking, so unexpected and full of grace. I have more blessings than I deserve. More grace filled moments than I ever dreamed possible. I have a life filled with joy and love.
There are pieces of me that I have been able to let go and only smile or be grateful for the wisdom and lesson.
And there is a piece of me that left and still stayed. I can’t think of this piece without my throat closing or tears rushing to fill my eyes. I can be happily engaged in any number of blessed moments and suddenly a wave of grief engulfs me and it is all I can do to breathe and slow my heartbreak and my thoughts.
This piece is one known only to very few people. It has been entirely too massive to my heart and soul to put into writing, to open myself to the soft and concerned looks, the ones that actually bowl me over and send me rolling with the wave.
It’s mine. I have guarded the knowledge jealousy and fiercely because I could not bear to share this piece. I have this small heart shaped glass heart to honor this child. To hold in my hand when I need to hold him. My own glass heart always shatters too easily. I whisper a name.
Today I’ll celebrate the overwhelming and wonderful blessings of the more than enough ones who I am able to be with. I will smile and laugh with genuine joy without being diminished. There will forever be the empty chair at the table, the pieces of me that leave and still stay.