Tough day, tougher girl

Tough day, tougher girl. I had plans for my weekend. Plans I’ve been working towards, plans that made me dig deep so many times the past several months. I had days when I felt like I was flying and days when I sobbed my heart out on runs because it felt so hard to do. Some days it took everything I had to muster the mental game for long runs. My body and my brain wanted little to do with each other. 
The race is only 4 days away. My plan has been to listen to my body closely and walk when I need to, but to cross the finishline no matter how hard it might be. I’m a stubborn woman and adversity is nothing new to me so it takes a lot to let go of a goal and accept that some races you just don’t get to run.

Like today. Today I admitted things  happening inside of me were more than things I could simply walk off, tough my way though, keep going without breaking stride. I was told by my doctor this afternoon that apart from a load of blood work, ultrasounds and specialists I need to see in the next two weeks, I can’t run the Smuttynose half-marathon I’ve been training for months for. 
It’s  only 4 days away.  I can almost touch it. I’ve had panic attacks and crying jags and excited “I can do anything” moments since the day I registered for the race. I want to do this. I want to feel my body push through each stage of the run, every mile, the good and the bad and I want to feel the joy of proving to myself that I can overcome my own fears and limitations. My life on my terms. This is one race I can’t run. This is one of those times When you get soooo close, so close, and have to let go. 
And that’s hard. That’s hard when you’re as stubborn as I am. So today was tough. I’m tougher. I’m feeling worn out and overwhelmed. I just need to catch my breath and kick this things ass and then I’ll be back for the next race.  ❤️ 

#iknowthereisasilverlining
#ihateadmittingdefeat

#cantkeepmedown

#puttingonmybiggirlpantiesandfighting 

#fightlikeagirl 

#lebanesegirl 

#warriorsoul