The sunshine inside

I am so very human. So very human and struggling these days. I am wrestling with my demons instead of just cuddling them, and keeping them distracted and at bay. I’m struggling, but I am also so very good at hiding it all behind my smile.  So good in fact that I can fool whole rooms full of people into believing that the very sun shines inside me.  
In a way this is true. I’ve had my share of joy and delight, and plenty of tears and soul weary times too. While I have discovered that I actually have no control over life, I have also uncovered a truth even greater than this. Through the worst of these moments, through the anxiety and sadness, I have the power to create sunshine. It starts with directing my gaze both inwardly, and then out into the world.  
Though I may feel lost and limited, I am still in possession of gifts. We all are. Looking inside myself I search for what is worthwhile in my own reflection and I begin to see ways I can give those gifts away. The more I reach out and touch others in small ways, the more my own smile starts to stretch from only my lips, into my heart. It’s warm and it tingles. It begins to feel like I am standing in the sunshine after a long winter. I have learned to hold onto that power, and to bring daylight into my dark moments. I struggle through my dusk and dawn until the very sun shines inside me.