A long days journey into night, happy puppies, and doing the dying to pee dance

Some days it’s the journey, some days it’s the destination. My journey through today included being 15 minutes late to work because the dress I wanted to wear had me trapped half in, half out with a jammed zipper that took an army of curse words to free me from.  The end resulting outfit had me feeling fabulous however. So I held my head high and smiled generously at the world.
 The next passage of my day had my face enthusiastically embracing the edge of the large metal cart filled with books that I was wheeling onto the floor. A kiss I shan’t soon forget since my top lip has a pretty blue splotchy bruise on the right. Why can bruised lips never look like a Kardashians?

That much fun could only mean more guaranteed to come and I was not disappointed when a regular, and very friendly customer asked me eagerly when my baby was due. WHEN MY BABY WAS DUE. 

For the record: I am NOT pregnant. Not even a teensy bit. Five is my limit. The bakery is closed. No more buns in this oven, so help me God.
Also people, there isn’t a non pregnant woman ALIVE who wants to be asked when her baby is due, so unless a woman is wearing a hat with a flag that reads “ASK ME WHEN MY BABY IS DUE!”

Don’t ask. 

Not ever. Not even if you’re a delivery attendant at the actual birth of that child. Just DON’T.

I will spare you the details of his voluntary disembowelment. Suffice it to say that I appreciated the gesture, but bore the sting for the remainder of my shift until such a time as I could swap out my dress for yoga pants, an oversized sweatshirt, thick socks, and then bury my face in a bucket of ice cream.
I continued my personal oddesy by taxiing my offspring, shopping for groceries and sucking down water like it was my JOB. It’s important to stay hydrated at all times, especially when going about your daily grind. A hydrated mind is a FOCUSED mind! It soon leads to a desperately over hydrated bladder. At my age, my bladder and my will power are no longer talking to each other. They’re barely even friends. It can get dicey. 

By the time I got home I was in dire straights, fumbling with my keys, fighting back a waterfall and mentally running through the likely obstacles between me and the bathroom. The pups went crazy upon my entrance to the house, happily racing around, jumping and trying to kiss me. I love that by the way. I feel like I’ve just won the lottery every time I walk through the door, but I was dying to pee so I ran past them and yanked up my dress, frantically whipping down my controltops. They were not to be deterred. Before I could stop them they’d knocked me on my ass (thank god on the toilet) and jumped into my lap, puppy kissing my face relentlessly as the flood gates gave way. A less dignified activity escaped my imaginings as I sat there evaluating my life choices and receiving the dogs well intentioned affections.  
But the evening has come and I am curled up with a book, trying to read past a very knocked out, floppy eared, warm bodied dog who has decided that being stacked belly and paws up to the sky directly on top of me and just under my chin is the only place that will do. It is lovely and relaxing. My blood pressure must be barely perceptible. I really do love cuddles….
So the end justifies the means today. The destination was definitely worth the journey 🙂

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Blogger, life enthusiast, queen of chaos. Author and star of #closertocrazy, and Hairbeast Productions. I live in north central Massachusetts on a tiny misshapen, entirely accidental farm. Life is always an adventure! Available for freelance writing and social media Brand Building consultation Contact me at lastlaughliz@gmail.com to discuss projects and fees

2 thoughts on “A long days journey into night, happy puppies, and doing the dying to pee dance”

  1. I will never, EVER understand why a woman would EVER ask another woman “When is the baby due?” NOT EVER! This is a question, that while it may be floating in that woman’s mind, should NEVER, EVER EVER EVER let that wondering thought become audible – never pass her lips!

    Oh, 652 – lastlaughliz – I was laughing through the WHOLE blog. And BTW, I believe you inherited your “zipper issues” from me! Sorry about that, and the blow to your beautiful lips – Also, I SO get the whole hydrate/bladder as do all women – often I can be heard saying to my bladder, which seems to have this sixth sense that I am getting close to a toilet and therefore begins the emptying process, and all the while I am saying ‘NOT NOW! NOT NOW! – and then finally, okay, it’s all good! Whew!


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