Advantages to having curly hair:
1. Highly accurate weather app directly downloaded to your brain. Is it humid? Yeah. Yeah it is. Thanks for asking.
2. A convenient place to store extra caffeinated beverages. Don’t shake me too hard, I get pissy when people spill my coffee, and with hair this huge, I need all the caffeine I can get to hold my head up.
3. Your own checkout line for back to school shopping. Other parents gasp and hurriedly pull their children, away muttering “you SEE what happens when you won’t run a brush through your hair?!” *News flash: this hair gets truly terrifying if you DO run a brush through it. Don’t make it mad. Don’t even wake it.
Disadvantages to having curly hair:
1. The elastic band with enough tensile strength to hold back this mass has yet to be invented. I’ve taken strangers eyes out in yoga class from across the room.
2. I am required to purchase a separate seat for my hair on buses, airplanes and in movie theaters. It’s considered my “plus one” at parties, so my husband never gets to go.
3. Some sort of animal has nested somewhere in the back lower quadrant. It squeaks incessantly. It almost drowns out the screaming in my head. I’ve tried setting traps but it’s smarter than me. As of this posting, it is currently still at large.