The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. How many journeys have I set out on, I wonder? It seems like at least as many journeys as steps. Maybe that’s why, though I’m weary, my body seems to know the way. My emotional muscle memory is strong, even when I am most broken.
Broken is not something I fear any more. I’ve learned that when you’re broken you are forced to your knees to gather the pieces of you. One at a time. You have the chance to look closely at each piece, to turn it over and admire it’s beauty all on its own. You discover things about yourself you glossed over or never paid attention to. It’s the chance to hold this part of you close, to smooth it’s chipped and roughed edges, and really see it. Each piece of yourself that you find gets the same loving attention.
Some parts of yourself are hard to find. Some parts won’t fit back into the mosaic. Like the extra piece in a model that somehow ends up still in your hand as you look over the completed object before you, wondering how it was meant to attach, or maybe it was just a spare in case something got lost along the way. You hold onto those pieces that won’t fit. You tell yourself you’ll find a use for it, or figure out where it’s supposed to go. Some times we hold onto those pieces our whole lives, never letting go. Tiny anchors in our soul that instead of grounding us in a storm, pull us under when the waters rise.
It’s ok to let go. Some pieces aren’t meant to fit back. Letting go is hard. You look at this part of yourself and think “but I need this! I don’t know how to navigate without this point of reference inside myself!” The truth can be many things to different people, but the enduring truths are universal. Some pieces of ourselves have to be left behind so that when you piece yourself together, this somehow similar and different looking you, this mosaic you have made, is stronger and more beautiful for its flaws. Instead of smooth lines and solid surfaces, you are complexly designed, your broken pieces beautifully forged into a master design. Your soul made whole and set free.