A girl who knows her worth

When I was a little girl I was afraid of my own voice. I was afraid that if the time came when I really needed to make myself heard, to cry out for help, no sound would come out. No help would come to the voiceless . Silence was also comforting to me. Keeping painful things away from the spoken word meant I could cocoon myself with my memories, and seal them away from the world. Allowing them to break into the sound on the tongue, to let them live in the ears and air around me just could not be allowed to happen. My own mother has a powerful voice. She never hesitated to express what she was feeling or thinking and encouraged me constantly to know my own worth. Still, I struggled. While my mother lived life out loud, I lived my own in my head and I worried about how I could possibly bring the world inside myself into harmony with the world outside. I was painfully shy and only managed to emerge from my shell when I could pull on a character and slip onto a stage, free to be as loud as that version of me could be. It felt freeing and empowering. I could say and do and be anything I could dream of. I wanted that feeling to last forever, but the moment I stepped into the wings, my voice became strangled and afraid and my world seemed confined to those anxieties. It took a long time, motherhood in fact, to tap into a power inside myself I never knew I had. With each child that came into my life, a fierce determination came with it. A determination to instill self love, pride, and a courage to fly as far as their dreams dared them to go. I started running after the birth of my 5th child, just telephone pole to telephone pole, adding another each time. I’m a slow runner, but I never give up. I wanted to just be able to run a few miles in the sunshine, to feel freedom and strength. What was so unattainable started to move closer to me. It was something I never in a million years thought I could do, but I ran my first half marathon at the age of 46, and I’m only just beginning. It was time to break free from that cocoon of silence and met my heart speak too. It was agonizing. It stretched me. It gave me the space to howl and cry out and even to scream. And then I spoke. I spoke my truth out loud. I found my own voice and with it the power to move mountains. 

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Blogger, life enthusiast, queen of chaos. Author and star of #closertocrazy, and Hairbeast Productions. I live in north central Massachusetts on a tiny misshapen, entirely accidental farm. Life is always an adventure! Available for freelance writing and social media Brand Building consultation Contact me at lastlaughliz@gmail.com to discuss projects and fees

2 thoughts on “A girl who knows her worth”

  1. Powerful! Bold! Open! You are moving mountains, and you are inspiring others to move their own!!! I am so blessed to be part of your life!!! I love you, and marvel at your stretch and power!!!! You are blazing new trails! Keep going my love, I am in good company of friends and family who look forward to your adventures, walk with you through your trials, and REJOICE in your many many successes!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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